I sometimes dig for butter rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs: I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs: And that’s the way, (he gave a wink) By which I get my wealth- And very gladly will I drink Your Honor’s noble health. A taciturn expert at circumlocution he is. A scatterbrain and a chatterbox he is not.
Don’t expect this man to bare his soul when he first meets you. Cancerians never confide in strangers, and there are certain things even their best friends don’t know. It will take a long time and a fair amount of patience to really know him. If you catch him in one of his cantankerous moods, you may not be very anxious to really know him, but try again. Don’t give up so easily.
He can be flirtatious and fickle, but he can also be sensitive and loyal. Without warning, that wrinkled frown can be replaced by a gentle smile. His crabby complaints aad gruff manner can warm slowly into a tender tone, just before he breaks into a deep chuckle, a muffled giggle or loud, hysterical lunar laughter. When he’s sad and wistful, you’ll want to put your arms around him, and soothe away his melancholy. When he’s showing off his sharp, intuitive mind, you’ll stare at him in awe. His caution will impress you. His pessimism will depress you.
He can be so courtly, courteous, and considerate, you half expect him to ask you to dance the Virginia Reel. There’s no question that he’s a romantic dreamer, yet he’s so sensible and practical, his enemies may call him Old Marble Nose behind his back. What do you do with a man like this?
You try to understand him. These aren’t changes of personality. They’re simply lunar moods, moving across his consciousness, here today-gone tomorrow. Both during and between each mood, the Cancer man is true to himself. His nature never deviates from its basic mold, despite the changes of expression that play on his features. Always try to remember that although a Cancerian’s manner can be rough and aloof, his heart is always soft and affectionate, and so full of sentiment it often makes him feel too vulnerable. Then he crawls into his convenient shell (the one he carries with him at all times), safe for a while from his own emotions. You’ll think he’s a real crab and give up when he retreats into injured silence.
But the next time he cautiously peeks out to see the sunshine, you’ll be tempted all over again to get close to him. Unfortunately, a Cancer man can be a regular wet dishrag now and then, disparaging everything and everybody, and splashing gloom in big, blue drops all over your ego. Yet, at other times he can be as funny as an orangutan with the hiccups. No wonder you don’t know whether to give him a cold shoulder or a warm hug. The temperature changes of a Cancerian could puzzle anyone. First you shiver under his freezing glances, then you get smothered with devotion. His moods are the meanest when he’s the most afraid of losing something. Maybe it’s you. Reassure him you’re his a thousand and one times. Words of love are music to his ears.
Of course, he may wade into one of his loony spells right in the middle of a tender scene some night under a full Moon. Just when you’re drifting away on lovely dreams, he may offer to tell you his favorite poem. You’ll sigh, lean back on his shoulder and close your eyes. Then he’ll cackle something like, The stag at Eve had drunk his fill-where danced the Moon on Monan’s rill. He blew his nose and shined his shoes-and took a swig of Mountain booze! It may jolt you out of your magic spell, but that full Moon can do strange things to the lunar emotions. What I mean is, he can be as nutty as a cuckoo, even if he is smart enough to make a million dollars and keep it.
I’m glad we brought up money. You will be too. If you’re the kind of girl who likes to pay the rent on time, you’re in love with exactly the right man. He’s almost as fond of security as he is of you. You may have a slight edge, but you can safely consider money your worst rival. He’s going to pursue it with dedication and a sort of quiet, religious fervor for most of his days. (The nights may bring other things to pursue.) It’s not the worst fate you could experience. Finances have fascinated him since childhood, and saving will be substantially more attractive to him than spending. He’s not exactly stingy, but let’s say it’s not likely you’ll ever see him lighting his pipe with a dollar bill for a parlor trick. The Cancerian sense of humor seldom takes in the topic of cold, hard cash. Money is not a laughing matter to the crab. He could probably add a column of figures in his head before he learned the alphabet, and had a paper route when he was eleven. Don’t be surprised if you find he still has his first piggy bank, unopened. The tinkle of silver and the rustle of folding green paper soothe his nerves, but he won’t brag about his Dun and Bradstreet rating. Cancerians seldom collect cash for status. They collect it for its own sweet sake. In fact, he will probably belittle his financial wizardry. He’s just a poor boy, trying to earn a living, and getting along the best he can. You may even feel so sorry for him, you’ll offer to get him a loan at the bank. Don’t. He probably owns part of it.
A fire sign on the ascendant may give him a rare extravagant urge, which he’ll resist with admirable courage. Even if he gives in to an occasional spending spree to cheer himself out of a blue mood, it won’t become a habit. Be-foi-e you start mumbling tightwad under your breath, you should know that the Cancer man has an interesting idta of economy. He’d rather take you out to the best restaurant, and get what he pays for, than risk offending his sensitive tastes with over-cooked lamb chops and indifferent service in a second-rate place. He thinks it’s silly to waste money on a cloth coat, when a mink or chinchilla will amortize itself over the years. A good, conservative Cadillac or Bentley is a safer investment, in his opinion, thqn a cheap car that depreciates as soon as you drive it around the comer. Quality and thrift are synonymous to the Cancerian. There, I thought that would bring the sparkle back to your eyes.
Even the most poetic and dreamy Cancerians, who spend their lives immersed in music, art or other cultural pursuits, have a shrewd sense of the value of cash. A lunar artist may paint in an attic, but you needn’t send him any Care packages. There are probably some stocks and bonds hidden in the rafters. He won’t donate his paintings, either. He’ll sell them for a pretty price, if he’s a professional. But they’ll be worth it. When a Cancer person tackles a career, he’s sure to be at the top of it. He’s loaded with artistic talent. You might suggest that your Cancer man design your Christmas cards. They’re sure to be lovely, even if he’s only an amateur.
If he’s a true Cancerian, he won’t be wild about sports clothes. There’s a certain formality about his toilet. Whether be’ss worth billions or only a few paltry thousands, he likes conservative cuts and good tailoring. He often leans- to colllar buttons (yes, they still sell them-to Cancerians), French cuffs and expensive shirts he gets wholesale, usually without monograms (too showy; he prefers to be inconspicuous). Even when he’s short of cash for a brief period whiile he’s working on his first million, his shoes will be poliished and his socks will stay up. During any shaky financial period (and it will be temporary), a Cancer man will. somehow exude an air of genteel rich, or one who has known better days. If he hasn’t, he will. Fairly substantial amounts of money will someday come to this man, or he’ll be given the opportunity to earn large sums of it. He won’t always be wealthy, but a Cancerian in the un-emrsloyment line is as rare as a pineapple tree in Si beria. His secret motto is that all play and no work gives Jack a skinny billfold, and he prefers his wallets pleasingly plump.
Let’s hope you find his mother congenial. In fact, let’s pray you do. It’s fairly certain she’ll pop up in his conversation frequently, in remarks like, My mother never wears much makeup, and she’s a beautiful woman. Don’t you think your eye shadow is a little heavy, sweetheart? Or You use frozen pies and instant potatoes? My mother used to bake her own bread when I was a youngster. This paragon of virtue is quite likely to pop up just as often in person, when you least expect it. Darling, I have to cancel our date for the theater tonight. I’m driving Mother out to the country for a few days. To put it mildly, the Cancer man may be reluctant to dethrone Mama and crown you as his new queen. He’s a terribly domesticated crab, for all his occasional stirrings of wanderlust, and if his mother made his home cozy, he’ll be in no hurry to leave it. Cancerians are either very, very close to their mothers or completely alienated from them. The relationship is never casual. Those who don’t revere the maternal parent are either adopted, or jealousy of the father’s place in the mother’s affection has caused an emotional block. Then there can be an unnatural coldness and isolation.
With the typical crab, however, the problem is far more likely to be closeness. There’s no use hiding the facts of life. If you’re in love with this more common type of Cancerian, you’ll have to cultivate his mother, and you’ll have to be her rival while you’re showering her with compliments. It’s not easy to cultivate and compete at the same time, but that’s the strategy you’ll need. Don’t ever let her get the edge on cooking and homemaking. Let her teach you how to bake lemon chiffon pie. He’ll like that -you two girls getting along so nicely. Then turn around and do a brilliant beef Stroganoff on your own. Be sure to spoil him at least as much as she does, and that may be a lot. He’s probably grown accustomed to being considered the apple of her eye. Being fussed over, fed regularly, catered to, hovered over when he’s sick, and tucked in bed tenderly at night can turn him into a mighty sweet crab. Cancer men will never admit it, but they love to be petted and babied by Womans.
There are certain traits, however, which can even up the score in your relationship. For one, he’ll be a pretty good chef himself. He may surprise you with his ability to whip up a gourmet meal. When this man invites you to come up to his apartment for dinner, he’s usually quite serious. Even if he asks you to look at his etchings, there may be no ulterior motive. The typical Cancerian man is a devotee of the finer things in life. In plain talk, he diga culture. For all you know, he may actually own some rare etchings or at least a fabulous record collection. You’re fairly safe in risking an unchaperoned trip to his rocky cave, because the typical lunar man is the soul of gallantry with women. Hell usually be a gentleman until you stop being a lady. It’s the way they did it in Grandma’s day, and to him, those were the good old days. (That’s probably Grandma’s photograph on the mantel.) Ask him about his family tree. He’ll love to tell you. Most Cancerians delight in their backgrounds and their blood lines. He likea old things, from Grandma herself to that Eighteenth Century fruitwood table he bought the first time he went to Europe.
If he asks to take your picture, don’t grab your babushka and run. Photography is a common lunar hobby, and few Cancer mans live their lives without at least one camera. Of course, he could have Venus in Scorpio or a Leo Moon, so maybe it would be more discreet to check his natal chart before you agree to anything. Whatever it is, just say, I’d love to, dear, but do you mind if I call my astrologer first? I’ll need your birthday. If he thinks you’re jesting, you can straighten that out right away. Just tell him that J. P. Morgan seldom made a move in the stock market without consulting astrologer Evangeline Adams, who was the granddaughter and great-granddaughter of John Quincy Adams and John Adams. The combination of both history and money will open his eyes wide with interest.
The Cancer man may go for quite a spell without inviting you to see either his etchings or his fruitwood table. Although he may engage in light flirtations, it may be many years before he becomes seriously enamoured, because it isn’t easy for him to find a woman he feels is worthy of his interest. When he finds her, he’ll be beautifully sentimental, and he’ll lavish her with gifts and admiration. But his standards are high. Not every girl can meet them. Most crabs are afraid of being burned, and not without cause. A mismatched alliance which would cause only a few sad weeks of readjustment for the average man can be a disaster to the crab. When something separates him from a partner he’s allowed himself to get close to, he can carry a torch for many years.
He’s naturally shy of rushing in, but once he’s sure, he won’t be easily rebuffed. Cancerians can play the role of the romantic lover artfully. After he’s declared himself, and has some hope of winning you, his timidity will switch to tenacity overnight, and you’ll find yourself being courted by an earnest, determined man who won’t take no as an answer for any proposal he has in mind. He’s likely to stuff himself in your mailbox (figuratively, of course), camp on your doormat and monopolize your phone. It’s hard to slide away from the grip of the crab. You probably won’t want to, of course. Lots of girls are looking for a moonlit world like his to dream in, where someone will hold them tightly and protect them from the big, bad wolf at the door.
Now that you know he’s not a sloppy dresser or a spend-thrift, that he can probably cook like a dream, has excellent taste, is looking for an old-fashioned girl like the girl who married dear old dad, and that he can be a cooing lovebird (when he’s not in a snappy mood), what other information could you possibly need? How is he as a father? That’s the best news of all. Cancerians are all mothers at heart. Even the men.
What I really mean to say is, he’ll be a fine parent, because of the same caring, gentle, sympathetic, and understanding nature you fell in love with yourself. He’ll have infinite padence with the children, be genuinely interested in every mashed toe, broken toy and toothache. Hell wear a paper hat at their birthday parties, be a pied piper for all the kids on the block, and spend countless hours entertaining the little people. Cancer dads are proud of their sons and fiercely protective of their daughters. When they’re small, he’ll be just the grandest daddy you could imagine. However, adolescence may chum up the water somewhat. He’d like his loved ones to lean on him forever, and when they show signs of independence, he may become a cranky crab again for a period, as he rebels against their desire to experiment with the world outside.
Hell pace the floor until he wears a hole in the carpet when young Henry has the car out after midnight or when pretty Lucy stays at the dance past her curfew. Remember how figures impress him? Use plain ar thmetic to make him see the error of his ways. It’s like this, dearest. Right now
we have two children. When they get married, we might have six or eight grandchildren, like dividends at the bank. :
Six or eight adds up to more happiness than two, right? (You have him there.) I’m so glad you agree, luv. Now will you please tell us where you hid Lucy’s wedding gown, and will you please take those handcuffs off Henry so he can pick up his marriage license? Don’t try it during a full Moon. He might misunderstand. Besides, no Cancerian can think straight when the lunar vibrations are strong. It’s hard for him to give up control, but when he’s reminded that he still has you to cling to, his grip will
loosen.
Well, that’s all in the future. Your immediate problem is to entice your crab to move directly toward a proposal soon, instead of cleverly dodging from side to side and skirting the issue. You might try pretending you’re leaving him for a bolder, cave man type. Usually the crab will stop his backward direction when the object-that’s you -shows signs of getting away. But that requires scouting around for another man to wake him up. And that can be a real bore, since he watches you so closely.
The easiest way to get him in the mood to take hold tightly and stop playing scrabble every night is to work on his emotions, which are always right below the surface of his adding machine mind. Music, poetry, flowers, beautiful clothes, expensive perfume sparingly used, soft words and sweet caresses are all weapons which should mow down his weak resistance to romance. Don’t overlook that direct line between his heart and his stomach. Cut out baby pictures from magazines, leave your sewing machine out in full view, take up the hems of your skirts an extra inch, and baby him a little. Wear one of those bracelets made of foreign coins. That will strike two sensitive chords-travel to faraway shores-and cash. One night he’ll impulsively ask you if you’d like to meet his mother. The very next morning feel perfectly safe to order your invitations and your trousseau.
You will have won the heart of a moody lunar man with a thousand secret dreams-and the approval of his best girl. Then you can sail away for a year and a day and dance by the light of the moon while you eat with a runcible spoon. Bon voyage! Don’t forget-never throw away his battered old hat, his torn tennis shoes, his stamp collection or his grade school report cards. They’re his treasures. Be sure to take your umbrella along. There will be some damp nights. May I say that you look beautiful in your chinchilla? But of course. A woman is beautiful only when she is loved-and you are.